Curiosity killed the cat.
Or was it perfectionism?
Ladies and gentleman, it is certainly the ladder in my case. As I was scrolling through old entries on my blog tonight, I came across one labeled as a “draft”. In all my cat-like curiosity, I decided to see what it was that I’d written and never published. As I read the beginning paragraphs of a post I apparently never released, I found myself in awe of … well … myself. There was perhaps no other post on my blog more candid and compelling. Yet, ironically, I had chosen to leave this one unfinished. What was I thinking?
Well, I can answer that. I was probably thinking one thought that has caused too much creativity in this world to remain unreleased: “It’s not perfect.”
Was I wrong to believe it wasn’t perfect? No. It wasn’t perfect. But none of it is – and I am certainly not perfect either. I am perfectly imperfect, and I’d like to believe I was made that way.
My best friend’s boyfriend proposed to her last night. He called me in the days prior to let me in on how he would pop the question. When I asked about the ring after screaming for a solid ten minutes, he said something that I believe is true of all of us, something I won’t soon forget. As he explained that the ring was what my friend wanted but with slight differences, I hesitated. He interjected before I could question him:
“It’s not perfect- but it’s me. Not perfect – but good enough. Just like us. Not perfect, but good enough.”
This is not about taking scraps instead of the real deal. This is about realizing the basic truth that allows us to love one another, that unleashes creativity, that reminds us how lovable we really are. We are not perfect, but we are good enough.
Whenever I have gotten anywhere I’ve wanted to be – be it creatively, personally, or otherwise – it has not come from perfectionism (though I do like to keep testing my luck with that route all too often.) It has come rather from acceptance – not from being perfect, but for saying “here I am, take it or leave it- but I know I’m taking it even if you don’t.”
So in honor of myself and all of my other perfectionistic sisters and brothers, here is my imperfect post for the evening. May it be another step in my journey of self acceptance, an amends to myself for the times I’ve summoned my writing to the God forsaken “drafts” folder and swallowed my self-loathing in the form of a chocolate chip cookie. Here it is, take it or leave it.
But I’m taking it even if you don’t.